I came across quite a few mummy blogs with different posts based on this topic and I sat there (with my large glass of wine in hand after praying for my daughter to go to sleep and feeling guilty for it) reading them all nodding and laughing my head off. So I thought “oh that looks like something fun to do”. As you do. Only now after having wrote it all down I feel like an even worse mother than before (said while holding another large glass of wine in hand after praying… yeah you get it) and in set the panic of what kind of damage was I causing my child because I gave her a biscuit instead of some fruit as a snack that day. I thought “omg, do I really want to put this out there for everyone to see how terrible I am?!?”
But then I got to thinking that I am not a neglectful mother, I am by far the worst of the bunch. What kind of mother doesn’t suffer from the dreaded mum guilt? And so I wondered how many other mums are sat there thinking they’re a terrible mother, after having just spent the majority of the day singing “heads shoulders knees and toes” for the hundredth time in a row whilst doing all the actions along with it after having five hours of sleep. All because we wanted a sodding minute to ourselves? (Seriously mothers would kill for just a minute, we really don’t ask for much!) So I got a little brave and thought I would give you all a little titter at what I think I’m failing at in the motherhood department but that I know deep down will not damage my child psychologically (I hope. (Also remind future me of this when I’m sobbing into even more wine later on)). So here goes.
- Baby Groups: I didn’t go to a single one with Ivy when she was born. I feel wholly guilty for not going to baby classes. I did everything from sensory, baby massage to messy play with Ivy at home. I was lucky enough to have quite a few friends with young babies close in age to Ivy for us to hang around with. I’m not very confident with meeting new people, so sitting in a room full of strange new mums with blank faces (just me) and screaming babies (just mine) didn’t appeal to me. And now I realise how selfish that sounds and I wish I’d plucked the courage up to go to just a few.
- Routine: It took us ages to get into any kind of routine with Ivy because she was so ill with re-flux for the first six months that it was a case of whatever worked. Now come night-time and I’m a pro because I was determined to not keep going to bed gone midnight every night. But I am struggling to get into a proper routine during the day. Sometimes breakfast can be 7am and sometimes it can be 11am, which also offsets lunch time. And naps? Can I get my toddler to sleep at night? Hells yes. Can I get my extremely tired (eventually over-tired) toddler to sleep during the day? Hell no. Do I feel extremely guilty when she’s screaming red in the face and eventually passes out? Hells to the yes.
- Brushing teeth: I know. This one is a biggy. It’s just I dare anyone of you to try and brush a small sharks teeth? No? I didn’t think so. That’s all I can liken it to! Ivy just absolutely hates brushing her teeth. So I just give her the toothbrush and she eventually sticks it in her mouth (after chewing on the opposite end first). How much this is actually brushing her teeth and getting them clean, I don’t know. But it’s the best I can do for now.
- Taking the easy option with food: I don’t do this very often. I want Ivy to have a healthy relationship with food because I think that is very important. This is why we took the Baby Led Weaning route and it went so well for us (read about it here). But currently, Ivy is in the ‘lets-throw-all-of-my-food-on-the-floor’ phase unless it’s crisp or chocolate. I tell a lie, she LOVES fruit, so I tend to give her that option but on the odd occasion when there are mashed potatoes peeling down my walls and I just think “sod it” and shove a bag of milky bar buttons in her direction for afters.
- T.V. and Ipad time: This is one I feel a bit ridiculous for and one I kind of half refuse to feel guilty for but always end up doing anyway. But one I also think ALOT of mums feel guilty about from time to time. But seriously, how else is a mother supposed to get anything done? Need a wee? Shove the baby in the cot with Peppa Pig/Paw Patrol playing on Netflix on the ipad. Need to do the dishes or make yourself an emergency cup of tea? Pop CBeebies on the telly, close the baby-gate and get that kettle on!
- Cursing: I do have a potty mouth. I think my mum said some of my first proper words were “oh shit”… So you know, I started quite young. Which means it’s going to be a hard habit to get out of. But believe me, I am trying.
Here are some funny quotes I found surfing Pinterest whilst crying into some wine that made me laugh and feel like I wasn’t on my own:
- “Parenthood is… Whispering ‘for fuck’s sake’ under your breath before answering to your name.” – Happy Medium Mothering
- “All parents want is for our kids to go to bed so we can watch a show with bad words in it and eat the hidden snacks.” – @simoncholland
- “My kids wanted to know what it’s like to be a Mum so I woke them up at 2am to let them know my sock came off.”- Sarcastic Mommy
- “Telling your kids they can’t eat brownies for breakfast, then eating brownies for breakfast after they leave.”
- “The sweet spot of parenting is found somewhere between giving your kids high-fives, and giving them the finger behind their back.” – Papa Does Preach
- “I’m a mother. My hobbies include neglecting my hair, repeating myself over and over, daydreaming about bed time, constantly picking up my couch cushions from the floor, and never peeing by myself.” – @mum_probs
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