Yep, I said it. Does that make me an asshole parent? I can’t be on my own with this surely?
When I collapse on the couch after getting an overtired Ivy to bed and then the dog or the partner come over for a cuddle and I cant help myself when I shout “JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!” But then I feel super guilty because it’s not their fault right?
It’s just that I have spent the entire day with a mini person leeched to the side of my leg. As soon as I sit down on the couch, she’s THERE wanting to get up with me or pulling at my hand to take me somewhere.
“Mummy just wants to sit here for five minutes, okay?”
Cue Ivy screaming and throwing herself to the floor…
God forbid if I make a brew because she’s THERE wanting to dunk whatever she can find into it (and I don’t mean edible things).
“No, it’s hot.”
“Yes, hot, don’t touch, ouchy.”
THIS is how I will speak for the ENTIRE day now. I also have to move my brew to the highest point in our living room where it stays for the rest of the day completely forgotten about.
I have also spent the day, not just doing the chores, but also when not doing the chores I’m thinking about chores that need to be done. I’m also thinking of how guilty I’m feeling that I am doing the chores because there’s a screaming, pool of mess on the floor that used to be Ivy because I’m not paying her enough attention.
When I first wake up I’m thinking what should I make Ivy for breakfast? After breakfast I’m thinking what should I make Ivy for dinner? And after dinner I spend the rest of the afternoon thinking “I need to defrost some meat out of the freezer for tea.” but then I get distracted by said mini person and come tea time I’ve forgotten to do just that and now what do we have? Simultaneously I’m also thinking “what should we have for breakfast, dinner & tea for tomorrow? The day after that? Next week? Next month?”
I’ve had toys thrown at me, hands smacking me, food thrown at me, hands pulling at my hair, my clothes, my face! So yes, when the evening rolls around, Ivy is in bed where I know she’s hopefully safe for the night so I can FINALLY switch my brain off for a few hours (but still check on her every hour, you know just in case she’s been abducted and I didn’t hear the commotion. (On second thought, would that be an awful thing? YES! So go and check on her immediately!)). I fall onto the couch and sigh a sigh of relief.
I would just like to be left alone because my child does not know what personal space is. I get it though. I am her world, she needs me because she doesn’t understand that I would like to be left alone for a couple of minutes. She doesn’t understand that the house doesn’t clean itself. That feeling, of her needing me, wins out over everything. I hope that she always needs me. BUT when the evening rolls around and she’s finally in bed that is MY time. Without it I would not function and be ready to do all of this again the next day!
I still find myself scrolling through my phone at pictures I have taken of Ivy from that day and I think “Gosh, I’m so lucky.” “I miss her now she’s in bed.” “I can’t wait for the morning to roll around so we can do this all over again!” (That last one might have been a little sarcastic).
Liked reading this post? Head over and check out 6 Reasons Why I’m a Bad Mum