…but you don’t.
Today I could have been bouncing on that exercise ball, you know the one, I used to bounce up and down on it with you in my tummy and again when you were in my arms to get you to sleep. This time I would have been bouncing on it to tell your sibling to get a move on. “We can’t wait to meet you.” we would have said.
We won’t know what this baby’s face will look like. Would they have looked like you? Or your daddy? They might have looked like me because you came out looking like my double. Maybe daddy would have got a look in this time?
Today or in the next few days, you could have been meeting your little brother or sister. I would have loved to know what kind of big sister you would have turned out to be. But today is not that day. I bet you would make an excellent big sister though.
Just maybe they would have already been here by now, just like you were. You came three weeks early and I feel blessed to have those extra few weeks with you. We could have had weeks getting to know your little brother or sister by now. But we don’t have those weeks, they will never come.
Today could have marked my fifth, sixth or seventh day in hospital! From 32 weeks pregnant with you up until you were born I was in and out of hospital and spent a full week in there trying to give birth to you. You were stubborn, you wanted to come in your own time but we had to get you out to make sure you were okay. Would your sibling have been just as stubborn as you? Or would they have come rushing out to meet you? We will never know.
I tell you all of this because your mummy may be a little sad today and on this day in the future, because it will mark all of these things that didn’t come. It will remind her of what could have been.
But I can tell you that today and forever I will always feel incredibly lucky that we get to keep you. I may hold you a little tighter and love you a little more fiercely and that’s all because your little brother/sister taught me that. I will always see them in you.
And I will always love you both.
Other posts on my miscarriage: